At present time, society is confusion. What occurred was not necessarily a terrible crime, yet unhappiness persists. The unspeakable has happened as a result. Why don't I state these happenings, you ask? Because it's unspeakable. It's concerning you did not think of that. Not everything is to be taken lightly. When I say something I mean it literarily. Understand that from now on.
Anyway, on December 12, the local Sam's Club(a capitalist college fraternity) was defaced. Someone painted over the building's logo with fair-trade spray paint, taxed at 9%. Imagine the uproar. We believe this event took place around 4AM, and numerous people are considered suspects. Maybe you can help us.
